{"id":5692,"date":"2018-04-01T08:00:50","date_gmt":"2018-04-01T12:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thatwhitepaperguy.com\/?p=5692"},"modified":"2021-01-11T17:03:31","modified_gmt":"2021-01-11T22:03:31","slug":"10-tips-on-writing-boring-content","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thatwhitepaperguy.com\/10-tips-on-writing-boring-content\/","title":{"rendered":"10 tips on writing bo-o-oring content"},"content":{"rendered":"

This guest post from B2B copywriter Steve Maurer turns the normal advice we hear about writing content on its head. We got a good chuckle out of this and we hope you do too.<\/em><\/p>\n

You work in an interesting industry.<\/h2>\n

And you have an amazing product.<\/strong><\/p>\n

If other companies buy it, they’ll get a great ROI. Your new product might change people\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n

Maybe even yours.<\/p>\n

If you do a good job promoting it, you might get named employee of the month. Pats on the back. Even a raise! If you are a freelancer, maybe you’ll win more clients!<\/p>\n

Who needs that kind of pressure?<\/p>\n

\"photo<\/p>\n

Here’s how to avoid that<\/h3>\n

You know what could be your problem?<\/p>\n

Content that’s just too darn good.<\/p>\n

Good content draws in people. It invites them to know, like, and trust your firm. It forces you into the unsavory roles of \u201clikeable expert\u201d or “trusted advisor.”<\/p>\n

I\u2019m going to coach you how to write truly boring and tedious content.<\/p>\n

Sure, a lot of content is bad\u2026 but not\u00a0really<\/strong>\u00a0bad<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

It’s not systematically engineered to inspire 100 percent of your prospects to press delete.<\/p>\n

It’s not so bad that it guarantees you will never have to deal with the stress of a promotion or a raise.<\/p>\n

If you want truly excruciating, mind-numbing results\u2014no matter how interesting your industry or product\u2014here are some instructions on how to write boring content.<\/p>\n

Tip 1: Never,\u00a0ever\u00a0write conversationally<\/h3>\n

Some people promote conversational writing.<\/p>\n

You know, “Give people the feeling that you\u2019re talking directly to them.”<\/p>\n

Then they might actually become a customer and buy what you’re selling. Happily. With a smile on their face!<\/p>\n

The very thing we\u2019re trying to avoid, right?<\/em><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s a tip. Think back to your college days. Remember that professor whose monotonous lectures put half the class into a fitful sleep?<\/p>\n

That\u2019s\u00a0what you’re going for. Prose that oozes like oily sludge, gumming up everything in its path. Nothing should sound like a real conversation, ever.<\/p>\n

Do that and you\u2019re well on your way to boredom.<\/p>\n

\"photoTip 2: Jargon is your friend<\/h3>\n

The more obscure, the more technical, the better. Inscrutable acronyms are great too.<\/p>\n

Without jargon, how are you supposed to show off your massive intellect and your N4YEIYF (Nearly Four Years Experience In Your Field)?<\/p>\n

These terms can be particularly effective if you pile them all up in clumps.<\/p>\n

Tip 3: Never use stories<\/h3>\n

Storytelling is the last thing you want to do.<\/p>\n

Some people say our brains are “hard-wired” for stories from the time we’re toddlers. So please, don’t give readers something they crave.<\/p>\n

After all, stories risk making your message enjoyable. That’s no good for boring content.<\/p>\n

I remember this one company I wrote for that\u2026 uh, never mind.<\/p>\n

\"photo<\/p>\n

Tip 4: Use as many clich\u00e9s as possible!<\/h3>\n

This is a powerful tip so keep it under your hat.<\/p>\n

Phrases become clich\u00e9s because they make a hard concept easier to understand. They’ve weathered the storm and stood the test of time. Which is why they help you write up that content in a jiffy. Why think up fresh language when you can take such a potent shortcut?<\/p>\n

Readers have read these same phrases so many times they often skip over them without considering what you are trying to say.<\/p>\n

Why waste peoples’ time with actual reading?<\/p>\n

Plus, the more images you use, the better. Never mind the hard work of coming up with a single metaphor and sustaining it through the piece. Mix them up! Your prospect will get so confused they may quit reading altogether.<\/p>\n

Tip 5: Replace periods with “and’s”<\/h3>\n

Here\u2019s another good one. Whenever you come to a period, delete it and insert \u201cand.\u201d<\/p>\n

This way, you can string several prodigious sentences into a true monster that stretches far down the page.<\/p>\n

Read the sentence aloud and if you can complete it without taking a breath, it\u2019s not long enough and you should really combine it with the next sentence and keep it rolling along to help you create content that goes on and on and bores the living daylights out of your reader.<\/p>\n

Tip 6: Don\u2019t use subheads<\/h3>\n

These act as sign posts, showing where your article is headed. And they break up a hard slog of text into bite-sized chunks. Definitely a no-no when creating mind-numbing content.<\/p>\n

I used subheads here so you can easily scan through this post. You, however, should not. Do as I say, not as I do.<\/p>\n

Tip 7: Never use bulleted lists<\/h3>\n

Busy readers love it when you use this scoundrel: a bulleted list. That’s why you see so many of them.<\/p>\n

But beware, these can be dangerously effective.<\/p>\n

Bullets kill boring copy because:<\/p>\n